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The Day I got Married

wedding

On the 25th May, 2016 I got married. Married to myself. This idea arose the day before, and I immediately began to take action in preparation. These kinds of things don’t just happen every day. Curious and excited, I opened myself to receive information about how to orchestrate this.  Events conspired perfectly and seamlessly. A girlfriend messaged me soon after wanting to come over for a spa day. “Sure”, I reply. “One thing though, I am getting married.” So cheekily I ask her if she would be my celebrant. It turns out she has always secretly wanted to be one, so we jump right into the co-creation.

 

On the morning of the union, I prepare the outside deck of my beautiful nature property. Placing all items of meaning to me on the dining table, aka the ‘altar’,  I then notice a male and female pair of parrots, surrounding me. Quite special to have my first witnesses. A wedding playlist from youtube goes on. A bunch of delicate white flowers are picked straight from the garden and turned into a bouquet. I locate the new ring I had bought recently that I absolutely adore. I take my dress I had bought years ago for a future wedding out of the cupboard and snip the price tag off it. It’s as though it had been waiting for this moment all those years. I’m in awe. There is something powerful in now realizing that this day, this dress, this love I feel inside is first and foremost purely for me. I begin to dance and the excitement escalates to unprecedented levels. All those parties I had thrown over the years – well this one’s for me.

 

My celebrant girlfriend arrives and sits herself on the daybed.  She wonders before we start what else might be required from her to contribute to this wonderful celebration. I immediately notice she is sitting in front of the mosquito netting encasing the day bed and I realize we need to use this as the veil, in front of the ‘altar’.  Some skilful, simple adjustments and the scene is set. I walk her around and explain the significance of the items on the altar as well as the written quotes I had put up around the space. These quotes had come to me in the days leading up to this wedding. I could feel the inspirational power of them holding me through this amazing occasion. The strongest one by far, was the one where I am accepting and loving all of myself unconditionally. I could feel that this was another beautiful turning point in my life. And already this was certainly turning out to be the best day of my life, and we hadn’t even started.

 

I’d prepared two journeys for the marriage itself. The first, I had my celebrant read out a list of qualities I had crafted that I wanted to embrace fully in myself. She asked me if I am willing to embrace and marry each of the qualities. I answered ‘yes’ one by one, in a way that expressed each quality through my body as I embraced it. 30 qualities and yes’s later, we were both ecstatically high on the potent energy of this embodiment. Then, I read my own personal vows from my heart to myself. We jumped and sang and laughed and celebrated all the way through. I threw the bouquet into the crowd and my celebrant caught it. Then she threw it back to me. I became distinctly aware that I was now ready to also embrace a wedding with a man in the future too. Fuck it, we’re here to have it and live it all … juicy, fun experiences all round!
We drank and ate and talked and laughed well into the night, submerged in the spa for hours. Something fascinating was happening. Whenever she, or myself, began to speak on a topic I immediately brought through the oneness version of that subject, through the spoken word. I was acutely aware of how we create duality and pit opposites up against each other, and how this creates the illusion of separation. All well and appropriate when triggered to create this kind of reality, but I knew for sure now that the oneness I was feeling and the deep connection with everything, was far beyond this kind of reality. For hours I reframed so many subjects effortlessly into their wholesome, unified version of reality. I was sure that this new experience of oneness was a direct result of marrying myself, and loving and accepting all of me. Pretty damn special.

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Allowing your New Relating Reality

Don’t settle for the one that disappears without a trace … allow for the one who can honour the connection by communicating his need for space

Don’t settle for the one who is dishonest … allow for the one who has the courage to consistently tell the truth

Don’t settle for the one who doesn’t think it’s worth it his all … allow for the one who embraces the stretch to become even more of his all in co-creating with you

Don’t settle for the one who has no space for you in his life … allow for the one who fills your soul space with his kindness, good morning kisses, care, affection and delightful surprises

Don’t settle for a small dose of sexual attraction … allow for the one who ravishes you senselessly and the one you desire to receive from deeply, fully, repeatedly and in a variety of ways

Don’t settle for the one who’s actions don’t match his words … allow for the one who reeks of integrity, even at a distance

Don’t settle for the one who with-holds love out of his own fear … allow for the one who knows that his greatest pleasure is to flow his love and share it deliciously with You

Don’t settle for the one who’s still keeping his options with others open due to uncertainty … allow for the one who knows with surety he wants you and can confidently step in and claim you through his actions

Don’t settle for the one who is stuck and closed off to growth … allow for the one who knows that creation is an eternal unfolding that will both deepen your relationship and infuse it with freshness

Don’t settle for the one who wants some of you, or certain things from you, but is not willing to give his all … allow for the one who gives his whole self as you give all of you to the sacred union

Don’t settle for the one who downplays your connection in public  … allow for the one who’s proud to show you off  and your beautiful, inspiring, sacred love to the whole wide world

Don’t settle for the one who hides behind a mask … allow for the one who drops his guard and shows you his soul, over and over again

Don’t settle for wishy washy excuses … allow for the resonance of commitment that begets the knowing that you can work things out harmoniously together as you go along and rise to greater heights of co-creative joy in the process

Don’t settle for the one who throws tantrums … allow for the one who can hold himself with maturity

Don’t settle for the one who’s making plans just for himself … allow for the one who shares and invites you into the powerful, expansive visions he has for the two of you and continues to hold it and evolve it

Don’t settle for the one who needs you to make it safe for him to love you … allow for the one who has the courage to do it anyway

Don’t settle for the one who requires alot of work to teach and instruct him on how to be a man … allow for the one that IS a man and is moved to feel you, be with you and honour you as a woman

Don’t settle for the one who blames … allow for the one who is ruthlessly accountable for his reality

Don’t settle for the one who plays games … allow for the one who joins in the juicy game of life with you

Don’t settle for the one who reacts to your emotions with his own … allow for the one who can let it all pass through him in the light of his embodied presence

Don’t settle for the one who sells out to please you … allow for the one who can deeply, effortlessly and selflessly honour you because he honours himself

Anything less and the space is compromised. Love can only thrive from a clear space within.

Don’t settle for anything less in yourself than being, and becoming, a match to your fullest relating reality …  for yourself first and in reflection thereafter. You allow it …  as you Be it. Once you’ve had a taste of ALL OF THIS … you truly can’t ever go back to anything less.

sacred marriage

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The Path to Freedom in Love

It started the moment I decided to deal with it all properly. I didn’t know what exactly would arise but I surrendered into trusting. Within moments, I was shown precisely the ways I had been out of sorts in the way I was relating in intimate relationship. I cried with humbleness. I embraced what was being revealed. And I was shown how to bring myself back into accord. I could feel a major persdonal upgrade taking place. These insights and feelings wanted acknowledging and witnessing.

I cried. I felt. I saw. Then, a vision arose from within my body. Two large rich, lush, pink rose petals at the base of my heart opened up gently. I felt myself drop into the most exquisite and divine state of serenity. Aaaaah. I just fell. A soft landing. A humbleness. So deep. What I saw next shocked me. It blew my mind. Indescribable. I witnessed how teh relationship I was in had only gone to half it’s full depth. And now there was an opening to something much deeper. I saw his true essence again. I saw how who he really is, is who I actually love. Not who I wanted him to be. I fell in love with him in a whole new way. Really in love, with the real him. Not my idea of him. Not my expectations of him. In pulling back all my expectations and projections love, from within me, was free to flow and be and see clearly again.

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This devotion is having its way with me …

  • I want to rub my tears into the beloved’s feet
  • I’m moved by the preciousness of his rhythmic breath upon my cheek in the midst of night
  • I am mesmerized by the simplicity of stroking his arm
  • I revere the sacredness of open, honest conversation where I can freely share my deepest thoughts and most transient of emotions
  • I cherish being held, heard, loved and to give back the same
  • When I feel his unbridalled heart freely offering acts of service to me, I find myself spontaneously running over to kiss him and thank him. I am enjoying this love awakening more deeply, uncoiling like a sleeping serpent. Sometimes I want more of this, more of myself, more of him … just more.

I don’t know if I am at all understood in my experience, but I know what I feel.

I know that love is.   And it is perfect for right now.

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